My time in Silvertown is drawing to a close. Along with the completion of the wall. I placed the last stone in place yesterday morning before the fog had been chased from the hills. The wall was not merely a job it was the object into which I could pour all of my restlessness it was the object of creation something to be formed with care. Now it stands. No longer in need of care. Saturday morning I leave what has become "home" to spend a week or so with my grandparents and then to where? Africa still has the solidity of a dream.

Allowing myself one evening of self loathing, self pity, and self destruction I bought a bottle of the cheapest whiskey I could find. It didn't last a great length of time. Ten thirty found me curled up in the back yard in nothing but my undergarments, weeping, and ridding my body of the vileness recently consumed.

Early in the evening my dad inquired about a relationship and I spoke about responsibilities not ready to take on, lifestyle changes for which i'm not ready for...truth be told...that is all bullshit.

Truth is it's fear...she's what I want and I'm a damn fearful, prideful fool...