questions

Is it morally right to bring a child into an overpopulated decaying degenerating world rife with violence against nature and humanity? Is it correct to bring a child into a fragmented family? Why should we continue to procreate when between 1950 - 2000 the global population doubled and will double by 2025? Why have biological children when domestically and internationally multitudes of children are orphaned and homeless? I recall a gentleman i worked with whose idea of birth control was relying on "the Lord" to stop he and his wife from conceiving. They have four children and have been married 5 or 6 years, more are soon to follow. This form of family planning is closer to the 'pull and pray' method. Sexual irresponsibility is not simply a reality for hormone dripping teens and college students but for all people, especially life partners.

While i'm happy for Justin and his girlfriend, happy for my father who will share a birthday with his first grandson, pleased with the notion that perhaps Justin can reject instilling fear and feelings of inadequacy that were placed upon us. But those questions are still ever present.

a morning listening

After making a cup of tea and a bowl of oats this morning I found the little patch of sunlight making its way through the canopy and sat down to listen. Not only did I hear the breeze through the firs and the oaks, the sparrows and the rooster letting us all know that the morning had arrived (since 4:25 in the morning), but whispers of words I finally began to understand:

"I do not consider myself less ignorant than most people. I have been and still am a seeker, but I have ceased to question stars and books; I have begun to listen to the teachings my blood whispers to me. My story is not a pleasant one; it is neither sweet nor harmonious, as invented stories are; it has the taste of nonsense and chaos, of madness and dreams-like the lives of men who stop deceiving themselves."

Having flown down to Little Rock to borrow a truck to get down to New Orleans with hopes of boarding an oil barge bound for the heart of the gulf of Mexico with nothing but my banjo, a few books, and an old army backpack I found myself in the middle of a tornado, dead cattle, and fallen trees. The next day I heard from the company the job that would surely get me back into university or at least out of the country was but a good idea nothing more. Before flying back to Oregon my father and brother asked and reasoned with me to stay due to having sold my car and having nothing but a banjo, an old army pack, a hundred dollars, and a poncho. The night before I flew out my father and I shared a class of whiskey in room 213 while I shared the few true reasons for my departure and that my biggest fear was that I would simply become a portrait of fragility amidst ruin.

Now I'm back in Oregon working three jobs with the my outstanding balance to Ozark Christian College within a few months of being paid and either homelessness in Europe, hiking the Pacific Rim trail, or Evergreen University within the year. Having traveled abroad and seen most of the U.S. in the last five years my desire is still the same...work in orphanages and refugee camps. I now can honestly say that it's closer than it was yesterday...