have mercy

Miserere Mei, Deus. Have mercy upon me, oh God.

I recently(November) made some prayer beads in the Anglican fashion. The smallest of the beads, which number 28, has the prayer "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner." The prayer has allowed me to see the depth of my own depravity. Often we can scarcely see the real vileness of our actions over the seemingly harmless activity in which we find ourselves engaged. Growing up debating the tenants of Calvinism vs Arminianism was a useless debate at the time, it had more to do with being able to win the argument than actually understand the value of either perspective. The first part of Calvinism states that man is totally depraved, incapable of doing any good on his own, including turn to the father. As I watch people, myself with the most depth, I've seen the true depth of depravity we are capable of reaching. Yet I'm not ready to say we're totally depraved, I am also uninterested in debating the topic internally or with others.

We are so far removed from the holiness we were created in. Looking back on my actions since August in some situations I have been so despicable I can scarcely bring myself to even whisper "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner." Can scarcely acknowledge what is plainly seen, my explicit need for redemption. As I walk down the cobblestone streets of Old Towne where I work, completely alone, no one to come home and call, no distraction I see the need for a sacrifice, the need for redemptive love.