Redemption

When one experiences redemption is it merely for the purpose of salvation or does it heal the wounds of a selfish life? Does redemption take away guilt? I was asked a playful question at work this afternoon. A question whose very presence in conversation is simply a means to illicit laughs, smiles, and jokes all around. For a brief moment I contemplated uttering a falsehood but for some reason I said "as a matter of fact, I have, unfortunately, done that." I said the word unfortunately as if the action had taken place by a series of chance events. Yet it was, at the time, a desired and thought about action, one in which I had planned in order to be seen as the victim, not as the architect.

A little under two years ago I was given the opportunity to do such a thing as I did else where, but I didn't. It was not nobility and moral fortitude that stayed my feet but time. There was simply no time. But later on, given a chance to reclaim a bit of fractured dignity, I proceeded to crush whatever manner of moral guidance and spiritual mindfulness beyond recognition. As the weeks wore wearily on, no amount of pipe smoking, solitude by the lake, strumming John Denver songs, or attending Evening Prayer healed the wound I so readily inflicted upon the spiritual self.

Depravity knows no bounds, I know that I have not reached the depth of depravity that human kind is regrettably capable of reaching. But is there any need of knowing how deep it truly goes? I care not to know. I know how deep I have descended and care not about sinking further down.

So does redemption heal these selfish wounds? Does it restore one back from brokenness?