Belonging

There is much in my head this morning. Much that needs not be littered over the net. My time in Alaska has been formative to say the least. Ones first impression is of course of the mountains, glaciers, and other such natural phenomena that leaves the observer with feelings of awe and frailty. But of course visitors have expounded on these things to such a level of saturation I don't care to rehash it here.

An Italian gentleman told me once. "Nicolas, you remember always remember, the meeting is the art of life." And it is meetings and conversations that brings me to this rugged geography. In the course of life I felt very much like the outsider, the unknowable member of the family (perhaps this was merely the angst of living in a large family) but in the course of two years I've met nearly every member of a family I never thought I had. Despite my own trepidation and fear they have integrated me into their own with compassion, joy, and acceptance. I marvel at the similarities the subtle subconscious mannerisms. Taking photos with my two aunts yesterday I was shocked that I looked truly looked like them...there was a continuity to our physical features previously held only by my twin whom I now i have little more than physicality to show our biological closeness.

Belonging is a strange feeling. It was interesting to experience it with my father...but to experience it with others is astounding. Feelings of cautiousness still follow and that faint expectation of the other shoe falling is still lingering....but fading.

yet I feel honored and grateful and over joyed that when I go I can return to a family whom i love and who loves me. Who places no expectation on me other than to live life fully.

I'm still waiting for the email...ambiguity still persists...