Recently I made my way back to the northwest. Although not back to Oregon but to Washington along the Puget Sound for reasons both professional and personal. When I got here from Texas I immediately went to Deception Pass to walk among the colossal trees down to the water worn pebbled beach where I had once sat listening to the loons call over the water. I have seen many beautiful places in my travels; some stark and some so fiercely fecund as to be overwhelming. The Puget Sound is the later. After getting discharged from the hospital and being left alone on July 15 to make my own plan I knew that if my time was coming due this is where I would want to see. Or at least a place I wanted to be that was within my means. In truth I would rather have gone back to Sumber, Mongolia and sat next to the ovo over looking the vast plains from the "holy" mountain sacred to both the Buddhist and Animist populating the region. Walking up the spine of the mountain the wind threatening to blow even the sturdiest from their perch was where the initial thought of a godless universe crept into my mind. But here is where I am. If the medical community can save me it's a good place to be and if they can't it's also a good place to be; if only for the meeting of land and sea.  Driving back the desire to take the original route was strong through Wyoming but I took the well worn route through Utah if only to say goodbye to the places I had fallen in love with over the years. I am as nostalgic as I am self abusing. Even now that I have answers to questions that plagued me and my actions for years I feel no solace in them. A reason is only good to bring clarity not relief and even if relief is found no redemption certainly. So I drove past Lake Powell and Cotton Wood Canyon, the road to the Paria River leading to Kitchen Canyon, had coffee in Cedar, and took the long way through the Kaibab. Drove past in silence, in reverence, a wordless confession. So now I am home and I doubt I will make it there again.